Why Mediation Works

Mediation works!  It works because both spouses at the same time can realistically evaluate their positions and safely explore settlement options.  Mediation works in settling over 85% of the cases in which it is utilized – including cases where one or both spouses have been unable or unwilling to negotiate, or where spouses have taken unrealistic positions initially.

Today, spouses rush to litigate their divorces because the simply know of no better way to go about divorce.  Rushing instead to mediate FIRST will solve your divorce so much faster! It will solve your divorce cheaper! It gets both of you to a point where they can begin to rebuild their lives.

The virtues of mediation first cannot be stated loudly enough!

It all Begins with a Dispute

What happens when you are absolutely sure you are right and the other party is wrong? What happens when they feel the same way about their position? Where do you go from there? There are really only two approaches to dispute resolution: the adversarial approach, or the collaborative approach.

In the realm of conflict management, the adversarial way to dispute resolution is considered the “traditional” approach. The adversarial way is positioning yourself to “win” a disagreement, dispute or contest. One party is victorious at the expense of the other. This is the way most of us have become familiar with how conflict is resolved, and it always tends to bring out the worst in folks embroiled in it. Unfortunately, society seems to engage in an adversarial way in those conflicts in which parties have a vested interest.

Most people want to resolve their disputes with the ever-so-famous words “I am taking you to court,” and this has become our war cry, so to speak. We are not gentle enough with each other; there just isn’t any slack. We think we know people’s thoughts and intentions, but we don’t. We do not take the time to understand any perceptions other than our own. At some point or another, we have all felt the personal sting that conflict brings – both emotionally and financially. In the realm of a contested court process, the costs that we experience emotionally and financially can be great.

Embracing the Art of Mediation

Our society is moving away from the adversarial approach to a more collaborative method; a trend towards conflict management that engages both parties involved in the dispute to find a mutually beneficial agreement. This collaborative approach to conflict management is characterized by both parties involved agreeing to sit down together to separate themselves from the problem or issue, set aside their ideas of what a “win” might be, and communicate what their real needs are. This way has those involved negotiating around their real needs, with the hope of walking away from the process having met those needs. This collaborative way is possible, and it works.

Mediation, which is a “CONFLICT RESOLUTION PROCESS” where a third-party helper (the mediator), who facilitates the problem-solving process between the disputing parties, is a tool for the collaborative way. This tool gives us a way to start engaging in conflict that does not have to be destructive; a way that is less costly to our emotions and bank accounts. This then becomes an alternative to the traditional adversarial way. “As long as a safe environment can be created for BOTH sides, mediation can happen at any point in time in a dispute. As people become more familiar with how mediation works, they feel it becomes more empowering and less destructive than fighting it out in court. It’s a process where they make their own agreements, instead of having someone else’s forced onto them.”

A growing body of research shows the effectiveness of mediation in dispute resolution. Mediation is exponentially less costly than involvement in a court process, and the agreements made between the disputants are more lasting because of this. Our social institutions and a growing number of businesses are mandating involvement in mediation in order to resolve disputes. “Our courts have implemented mediation programs that have seen a huge amount of success, and our judges are increasingly referring people to mediation as part of their dispute process.”

-Nancy McGahey, Utah Dispute Resolution