DIVORCE: The Fear Factors

Of all the major decisions that can affect a person’s life, certainly divorce would be ranked one of the highest. After all, everything we have or that brings us joy in this life can either be categorized as family or possessions, and few events affect these two things like a divorce can. It is easy to see why divorce causes so much stress in a person’s life.

We have listened to hundreds of questions that divorcing couples have asked us regarding what to expect in a divorce. We have determined that most of the questions that are asked are a result of one of three concerns. They are labeled as follows:

Let’s talk about these three fear factors in detail and we’ll provide some ideas to try and minimize these fears.

1) “Am I going to get a fair deal?” Everyone has heard of someone that got a bad deal in a divorce. In fact, if you talked to any person who went through a divorce and asked them about the outcome you would be hard-pressed to find anybody who was overjoyed at the outcome and felt they got a fair shake. Either they felt that the custody or visitation was unfairly awarded by the judge, or they felt that they should have not have to pay so much alimony or maybe they should have been entitled to more equity in the home.

The fears people face on how fair the outcome will be are very real and can be a great source of stress.

To appreciate the fear of receiving a “fair deal,” one must understand the process of how a litigated divorce works. In a litigated divorce you have a Petitioner (the person who initiates the divorce process) and the Respondent. They both hire an attorney to represent them and pay that attorney to try and persuade a judge in a way that will get them the best deal possible. Keep in mind; the attorneys do not make any of the final decisions, only a judge can do that. That attorney will use the existing laws and guidelines to build a case and present that case to the judge. Sometimes that means the attorney not only has to make their client look good but also make their client’s spouse look bad. An attorney will work to help you receive a “fair deal,” according to the laws of Utah. However, in mediation you will work through what is most important to you, and your spouse will usually have information on what is most important to him/her. Mediation can help you each work towards what is most important to you as an individual.

2) “How much will this divorce cost me?” There is no question that even regular people can have a litigated divorce that costs tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars. There are occasions when litigated divorces are necessary, but many divorcing couples can resolve their issues through mediation, before even entering into the litigation divorce world. Even when couples are far apart in what each party believes is an equitable resolution, or a resolution that is in the best interests of the children. Mediation, rather than litigation, can and often does produce a quality outcome. Mediation will cost many times less than a litigated divorce. Our clients typically each pay one-half the cost of the mediator’s hourly rate. Once the mediated agreement is signed, tour clients may choose to have their documents produced for a flat fee by our affiliated law firm, Huntsman | Lofgran | Walton, PLLC. Typically, the parties also split the cost of the document preparation; however, parties are also able to take their mediated agreement and prepare the required documents themselves to be filed with the court.

3) “How long will my divorce take?” The longer a litigated divorce takes the more expensive it becomes. In Utah there have been attempts to shorten the time a divorce takes, as it is not unusual for a divorce to languish in the court system for years. However, even with the shortened timetables, it takes months for motions to be heard. The requirements of fact disclosures and expert disclosures extends the time and frustration. Once all requirements have been met, even for a motion to certify a case for trial will take months before it can be heard, then the trial court takes months to even to hold a conference to schedule trial, which will be many more months away. Oftentimes, parties may work through their divorce for over a year or longer before they are able to present their facts to the judge for a divorce resolution at trial.

Mediation rather than litigation avoids this lengthy process. Provided the parties are open about their circumstances, even difficult situations are resolvable in mediation. Mediation can be completed in anywhere between 3 to 9 hours, with a resolution to the parties’ entire matter. Once the required documents are prepared, either by the parties or an attorney, there is Utah’s required 30 day waiting period from the time the petition is filed before the proposed decree is filed. From there, it usually takes about a week for the judge to sign the decree, which is the end of the divorce matter.